I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
