i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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