don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
