Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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