remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
