So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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