Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
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