pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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