If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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