Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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