there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
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I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
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I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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