We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Randomize
