dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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