I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
