Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
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