He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
