But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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