I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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