Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
