When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
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He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
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She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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