Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
