HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
