i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You're earring is so big in my mouth
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
