I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
