so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
