probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
