I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
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