Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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