When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
