I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
