After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
