I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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