Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
