I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
