Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
