gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
