Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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