I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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