when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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