threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Randomize
