Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Watching her eat just hurts me
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Randomize
