weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
