Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
