omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
