the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize