You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
