your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
