i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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