I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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