Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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