She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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