I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
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she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
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Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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