I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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