I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
only you would photoshop your dick
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
