he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
