Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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