If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
