she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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