I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
