On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
