allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
What a dumb baby whore.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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