Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize