I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
