Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
