I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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