dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
