He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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