I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
