He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
