Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
