My nipple is on Facebook.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I want to walk on stilts...naked
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
