Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
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